Sunday, December 13, 2009
So how did you get the name.......LIBERTY?
So just to give you a brief introduction to the name......................
In the Merriam Webster Dictionary, "Liberty" is defined as FREEDOM or an action going beyond normal limits.
In the Word of God it reads "Now the Lord is that Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." 2 Corinthians 3:17
Well its simple, I am free! Along with my testimony comes a lot of bondage in my past life. For almost thirty years I went from living a lifestyle that others wanted me to live, to creating a life I thought would be loved by others- both equally as complicated and impossible to master. (because it wasn't me) I fell into deeper traps of betrayal, deception, lies, and manipulation. I look back and none of the people in my inner circle were stable or good for me. I worked on making people better and totally would become immersed in their success, forgetting about myself- this lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair when I would get used and then left. All this was done for one reason and one reason alone, to receive love. Well needless to say, it took me years to find out that you cannot create an atmosphere of love without God-it just can't happen. One by one each person would show themselves in their true form and as the enemy in them surfaced, my heart would again sink and think that I was just a being that was unloveable. This developed a stronghold called depression that almost took my life. Sitting, staring, crying, and sleeping is how I spent years, I cannot even remember what was 23 like..If you asked... I would respond, I don't know or I don't remember-every dark moment would be blocked out. So, there are years from childhood, adolescence, and adulthood that I have erased from my memory. I would handle all business and extracurricular activities and return into the cave at night. It was unnoticeable (or so i thought), routine, and the only way I knew to survive.
Well, you may ask where was God? He was there all along but my mind was so clouded by my own thoughts and desires that I treated our relationship like a one-night stand-keeping myself from His love. There are so many things that were clearly dangerous that I remember the Lord kept me from- I was too ignorant and prideful to recognize its danger. Growing up around people who had a from of godlinees but denied God's true power, I was confused. Christianity was a show to me and for years I played a crucial part in the stellar stage play "Hypocrite" that has been running successfully for years. Going to church was the respectable thing to do, throw in a scripture in here or there or say "Amen" with everything and you are in the club. A church-cultured hypocrite, I originally came to Christ for the wrong reasons seeking love and the approval of man in the church. That game played itself out for many years until I realized that I was in the same position in a different environment, only this time I could really get help. During the show's encore, I went from dating well mannered suburban guys (who turned out to be wolves) to hypocritical false prophets (same result), I went from being prideful to well, become a white washed wall, meaning that I was "me" focused and I worked hard for appearance but lacked substance. I thank God today because my life was so crazy- who knew that the desire for acceptance and love could fuel a person to destroy everything.
It wasn't until after I was raped and mentally did not have it in my capacity to act anymore that I was broken enough to receive Christ for real. I was beat, bruised, lacked trust and was suicidal. After I was raped, I attempted to commit suicide and was brought to grips with the fact that I was helpless without Him. My life was an act, but in this show there were no flowers, standing ovations, but a history of encores. Bad relationships, poor judgement, regrets, it took all that for me to come to the Lord with a spirit of humility. Living a life where I "did it on my own" I soon changed my view of what life was really like.
THE GOOD PART: God met me where I was and began speaking to my broken state. I was saturated by real love and people who followed the ways of Christ- you can detect the difference. For the first time in my life things were moving. Years of striping and breaking had to take place in order for me to be in a place to receive what God has for me.
I can now joyfully proclaim that I am new, I am no longer the girl that has to lie and fake a life that is not real. I now have true friends of substance that motivate, encourage, and strengthen me, I am living a successful life of victory that has its challenges but each speed bump exposes my growth and strength in Him. MOST IMPORTANTLY- I HAVE CHRIST LIVING IN ME*
Now I laugh loudly, cry out of joy, and dream big, something I never did in the past and I owe it all to Jesus Christ. So in short, (well maybe not) Liberty is my new name for once it was bondage and now that Christ lives in me my life has changed forever.
God is greater than anything that ever happened to you, receive Him, and let your life be changed forever*
Be encouraged, changed, and restored in Christ-He's real