Wednesday, December 30, 2009
When you have fought all your life for survival, the hunt becomes a natural way of life. I have always been a fighter. I have fought to maintain my image, for my peace, justice, truth and even for my sanity. However when you come to Christ a major shift takes place and you begin to understand that it was never your role to begin with. I found myself at a crossroads in my journey where I asked the Lord to show me "me" and He did it. I was proud of some of the discoveries and saddened by the others, but who God loves He corrects-so He must really love me :).
DEFENSIVENESS......where did it come from? How did it originate? How can I change, be content, and learn to trust?
In the past, I never had an outlet and I did not have a listening ear. I was envied for reasons I did not know or ever understand. The press for friends was hard, I struggled to have people love me. Past the usury, abuse, and fake relationships; I found myself in platinum armor, fully protected-no entry. The weak, sad, lost, neglected little girl was able to breath behind the mask. So I lived there for years, losing pieces of myself as time grew. So numb to pain I could not even mourn the death of my joy, personality-simply put, me. I roamed the earth a corpse until the Lord came and swept me away from myself.
I was introduced to a new mindset with Christ, living with him requires a deeper level of commitment, beyond my comfortablilty. I am no longer the victim but the victor! No matter how you dissect it, defensiveness is a protective tool for pride which is anti-destiny. After years of being saturated in self-pity, I realized that wasn't the answer.
Character is developed as the unhealthy things are removed from your lifestyle. When I made the decision to receive Christ, things began to change, as I renew my mind daily- the commitment deepens and continues. The fear of God, an honor for God, and the desire to live a life pleasing to him in service grew. I recognize the defensiveness as a stumbling block now, rather than believing there was nothing wrong with me and everyone else has the issue. Regardless if I am wronged or people plot against me-God is my protector- I had to shift from the place of trying to defend myself-let it be and have the Lord fight my battles.
Mind renewal is very important as we must believe that God's word is true for our lives. The need to defend becomes natural after years of mistreatment however, we understand through his word that that is not our job. Our position is to trust the Lord and to have expectation in his word.
So from here the only thing to do is grow*
Monday, December 28, 2009
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
-After thorough reflection, I am taking a spiritual bath*
Let's get clean-
Saturday, December 26, 2009
As I spent my day in bed, I began to ponder on the goodness of the Lord and believed surely He is worthy of my praise through this blog, just for who is His. In talking to a friend I came across Acts 8:32 and my mind raced from there. From the tabernacle to throne, everything before, in between, and after. Truly the Lord is worthy of all my praise.
How do you conceive a love so deep and adequately verbalize the depths of His love. Then how do you proceed to express that gratefulness? Praise, worship, prayer, Godly lifestyle, committing to christian character, living out the word are all ways to express it; God is just so good, in my vapor of a life I cannot do enough to show God my gratefulness for He is awesome. As I have begun to get broken down and my eyes are being opened I see so much that I did not see before. I see the dire need for Faith, a faith like Abraham's, I see how his faith was one of the strongest expressions of worship, for through out all, he believed God. His trust was in comparison to none.
To come to a place where I really receive, understand, and testify that Jesus is Lord and Savior over my life is amazing. To be rescued from myself and now experiencing His way of living is mind boggling, that in my mistakes, slip ups, failures, and set-backs-God uses those negative moments to build character, integrity, and give Himself glory. My eyes well up as I think on just all God has delivered me from. About how my life was nothing and full of skeletons that He now uses to pull others out of the fire and make free. I am compelled with how His word is living and can change the course of direction by it being spoken with the fire of faith behind it.
I am in awe of the opportunity to dwell with Him for all eternity. Receiving Jesus Christ changed my very way of life, disruppted the flow of destruction and in that barren wasteland created a well spring of life. This is why my life's mission is to know Him.
In a place of deep thought and eternal gratitude,
Monday, December 21, 2009
Instability, co-dependency, sex driven, insecure, needy, drama filled, jealous, manipulating, angry, bitter, money hungry, hypersensitive, desperate women. This is what we see in modern day media and everyday life. Women who have voluntarily exploited themselves for a "place" in this world, a man on their arm, or a dream in their head- it's pathetic, not only is it pathetic but it is conditioning our women and young girls to settle for less, bargain for love, and sell themselves cheap. Where is the standard?
Please note that I am not saying that all women fall into this category, I am describing how women are depicted by the media and the ladies that have been deceived and fall into the trap of believing that this is the way to find love. My heart is connected to this topic because I have lived the role, been mistaken for, and tried to be forced into carrying the label of the stereotypical "desperate woman". They have various personalities, dreams, and lifestyles but one thing remains the same, the imbalance of God's role in their lives and their expectations of others.
We must not allow ourselves to be labeled by society but must embrace what the word of God tells us. Now if we are beautifully and wonderfully made then let's act like it and understand that we are precious to the Lord and a priceless jewel to the man that is blessed enough to receive our hand in marriage. Reinventing ourselves by the popular fads won't do it, but having our mind renewed by the Lord will. Changing the way you think truly changes your life.
Just a thought,
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wow, ever since I planned to write a blog on living the Word, there has been major adversity. Everything that could go wrong did and I was at a place of stretching and bending.
In my short life, I have observed many things called "God" that turned out not to be Him. I have been able to grow and recognize who God is and what His characteristics are, and in doing so I knocked out many ideologies and was able to easily discern what is flesh versus spiritual thinking. The last three days I have had the opportunity to apply the Word of God that I had been reading, meditating on, and researching. Now this is not a surprise but I realized that looking past circumstance is not an easy task in the storm. Even in the eye of a storm, you are preparing for the next wave of chaos before the calm. In the three days, I was able to see that I learned and immense about myself, and the fighter that I am in the spirit. For it is in the times when you need God most that you see where your faith lies and how you react exposes where you stand.
Well just to give everyone an idea of the last three days- it has been challenge after challenge. I had to face my yesterdays as well the things I struggle with today. I was attacked with terrible headaches and sickness, even loosing my hearing one day. All I could think in the chaos was "this is ridiculous". I remembered the blog that I had set up to write and did not find it ironic that all this adversity had come. I knew exactly what it was-"put your money where you mouth is time"-meaning-seeing the proof that was in my pudding when it comes to my faith in God and how I respond to the threats of the enemy.
During the three day war, I fought in prayer more than anything else and I could see God in every situation. When I began to loose strength and my heart grew dull, God would send a reminder via friend, sermon, or Word. I was held in those moments, however I longed to hear from Him. Psalm 84 is a beautiful word describing the longing for God- to be in the courts of the Lord. The desire to be where He is, in my rough spot this Word blessed me greatly, this word illustrated what my heart was feeling. (go check it out)
However I began to get overwhelmed and panic, becoming stressed and then my mental state would have an effect on my physical state. Now before when I was battling with sickness but my mind of on the things of God, I was not in a place of despair and lull. I could see and even though I was annoyed with the sudden illness, I was still in a great place of peace and contentment. Although there was a shift as I lost my ground in Christ, I stopped fighting the memories of misfortune and began to indulge in the concept of failure, past mistakes, and permanent damage. Thoughts began to race through my mind of the past and even mistakes I have made recently-How I feel the need to always explain myself, the need for understanding, and acceptance. I have to fight hard when I make mistakes because I do want to be pleasing to the Lord and when I fall I battle feeling hopeless and incapable of living out His promises; Satan is such a liar and his method is intimidation through lies to get you to the point of defeat. The devil wants you to feed your fear, doubt and unbelief. He really has no power, we give it to him by feeding the negativity he created. This is where casting down every vain imagination that holds itself higher than the God that created us comes in. In order to plan with purpose we have to first KNOW THE TRUTH. Put every word given to you alongside the Word of God, if it is not parallel then throw it out!
PLANNING WITH PURPOSE:
During my bout with my thoughts I was in Romans 4- a great Word describing the promise that God gave Abraham-that he would be the father of many nations. He was to have a child, now Abraham was like a hundred years old. This has to be exactly what the Word calls faith-According to the bible, faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. Now to believe that he had the ability to reproduce was a challenge in itself but he was not pairing up with a young sprightly woman but, his equally as old wife, Sarah. Abraham is a great example of planning with purpose. He was mentally stable in this area and we can see this by evidence within the word of God. This is something that must be read and internalized, Abraham did not consider his wife's womb or his age when God gave him the promise. The Word said that he did not stagger in faith but was strong-strong in the unbelievable for the eyes, but the more than believable with God.
This is where planning begins, with faith. Faith in the things you think are possible and those things that God promised that seem impossible. The plan starts with faith, for if you truly have faith in something your acts prove what you believe. For example: If God said I am getting a house guest, I would first clean my house and prepare for the guest by preparing a place for them. Same concept with His promises if He said I am getting married I clean my spiritual house, educate myself on what the bible says about me, ensure I am whole first to ensure a healthy marriage, educate myself on what the bible says about my role as a wife and my responsibilities, do I line up? I should be preparing myself for my husband in every way including praying for him and about my contribution to our family, etc. Now, if I was not serious about the promise I would be living a lifestyle opposite of what a woman in waiting would live. The planning comes with God and discovering what He says about you through his Word, discovering yourself through the Word and what His personal plans for your life are, then you prepare for those things in the way Christ tells you to, not how you think you should prepare yourself. Time out with God is the best start.
I have a friend who is a great teacher of the Word, it is just who God made Him to be and I benefitted from his illustration of identity and faith through the story of Superman, so I will share. I will call the teacher, Mr. Strength, well Strength told me that in my moment of weakness (in his attempt to encourage me) that I was Superwoman operating as Clark Kent. Now apparently Clark Kent and Superman are the same but Clark Kent is the normal version of the superhero who everyone accepts however, he has the same power when he is in his tights. He was explaining that Clark Kent never really got hurt, he just acted like it. Remember, this is Superman folks so I have to put on the right identity forget about Clark Kent and operate in Superman. Good Stuff- Here is the conversation maybe this will say it better......
THE CONVERSATION: SUPERMAN: A JOURNEY OF FAITH AND IDENTITY :)
Strength: people who r afraid to fight get beat up and when they r at their lowest is when the full potential comes out thats how it is in almost every superhero story
me: where is my cape? lol
Strength: u got it, u got it once ur named changed but u need to see it within u, u trying to fight as Clark Kent fight as Super"woman". lol
me: yeah that's good
Strength: and in reality Clark never was hurt, he would act as if he was hurt but he never really was when he put on the proper identity he was invicible
Strength: see, so no need to be Clark...female version
Strength: with the Holy Spirit u are invincible, u need to sit with ur Daddy like Clark did in them crystals where he learned all the secrets to himself and his power in relation to his environment
me: haha this is good, great stuff,
Strength: lol, yea he is tight
me: I am going in the crystals :)
Begin walking toward your plan today, never forget all that He has set in your walkway if you only believe. I thank God for never giving up on me and teaching me throughout the storm- You are truly awesome. Thank you Lord also for putting wonderful people around me to hold my arms up when they are weary and remind me of all that was promised. I love you guys. (Thanks Mr. Strength)
Well, this has been a treat. Be encouraged, trust God and know that He will do everything He says He will do and have peace in that fact.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
You are a loser, you will never get it, just give up.
An original song played by Satan for years on the record in our minds. Constantly we are tormented by these songs or ones just like them, he has a collection of lies and half truths that attempt to tear us apart. However why if we truly believe in Christ (and His promises) are we moved by the lies we see, hear, and feel in our hearts? Time to switch CD's and change up this program! Lies can seem so real as they tear at our heart strings and we go through the motions with our emotions. Although faith is not a feeling,neither is God's word conditional- it is all it says it is. I can think back to times when I thought something was so right and it was just the opposite, especially with love. In my youth I thought I had it all figured out but I was wrong and tricked by the pull on my heart.
We are called to grow in our belief in Christ and mature to a place that we can produce no matter what is around us. I am speaking crops, producing good lasting fruit that will reflect a hearty relationship with the Lord. This can't be faked or cheated, the harvest will either speak pure roots with plenty of water and Sonlight or a rotten core. It is my sincere hope to uproot any bad seeds, break up the tough soil, and plant only pure seeds from now on. This takes diligence, faith, living water (the word) and the increase that only God can provide.
This calls for a constant renewing of my mind. Not accepting anything that is contrary to God's word to penetrate my spirit. Carefully monitoring all television, music, and activities I participate in, in an effort to grow in my relationship with Christ. I plan to speak life (His word) in all things and let His praises forever be in my mouth. I have so much to be thankful for an the opportunity to live through Him. I have no time for the games of Satan trying to keep me from my destiny. I have the tools, the mind, and the will to do it through Christ (with His power). His grace enables me to live to the fullest and I am taking my gift with gladness determined to live out its reward. Thank you Jesus, I am forever grateful* Nothing can separate me from your love. I truly love you.
P.S. Feeling excellent in Him*
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
You would be surprised what you can learn in a day.
As I am growing closer to Christ and preparing for the year of divine focus toward destiny, I see that Christ is also teaching me about who I am. Now, when I think "Identity" I don't think about things specific to me but more so all Christians, as we are all His children. Although as I am about to start this journey I see that I will be learning about who "Liberty" is. My loves, likes, dislikes, and challenges-today I was able to get a small glimpse into what this next year will be like. My breath is taken away as God is showing me that He cares about His children down to every last detail-what love.
For me to say today was a busy day would be an understatement, after having two weekdays and a weekend to recuperate from a horrible bug- I had to go back into the office at full throttle. I had been planning a big meeting for two weeks now and of course the meeting would fall on my first day back. (sigh) Knowing that today was going to be a big day, I dressed for success; I wore my navy blue pinstripe suit and some navy heels. As I walked past glass buildings throughout the day, every now and then catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror I thought "I don't like heels". This thought acted as both an epiphany and the start of my journey of self-discovery- I have always been a maryjane kind of girl. Stiletto heels came into play when I was trying to acquire a certain image in the past......"accepted sophistication". As stated before in previous blogs, I came from a place of low-self esteem and accommodation- my style of dress was no different, I took recommendations. Well today I found out....I don't like heels and because there is no law, I am committing to changing the things I can. So, overtime I plan to get some cute fashionable shoes that compliment me (and donate the others)- as God allows and the budget permits of course, this was my first discovery that day.
A small yet simple pleasure was the small sliver of almond cake I cut for myself outside of the supervisor's office. The Director prepared a cake for the office and it was superb* (something else I like, almond cake)
In my hustle and bustle I did not manage to eat breakfast and rushed lunch (I only had a quick small salad), not getting a good amount of sleep the night before, I was tired and decided to grab a gatorade as a pick me up. Still running, later on in the evening as I was on the way to meet with a friend, I was exhausted and had to cut the visit short. I ran full speed all day without stopping, in the silence of my drive home (in haste because I did not feel well) God showed me all the fast action of the day and how I constantly neglected my needs-this hit me like a ton of bricks. So, not only was I learning about the little joys that make me tick but also some serious changes that need to be made - wow, balance.
I thought "Ok Lord, I like this, we are working on the complete woman" (C'mon 2010).
Excited about where I am going,
Lova ya, Libby
Monday, December 14, 2009
So as I am preparing myself for an awesome man of God, I am reading this really good book "God is Your Matchmaker" by Stephanie Herzog. Not only have I been re-inspired by the book and the grand future that lies ahead but I also am lead to take a year out to rededicate my life to purity and a God-focused mindset. I believe that in this upcoming year God will realign my thinking when it comes to love, marriage, and family. I am looking forward to the adventure in Christ as I learn more about myself and the concept of love and family.- I must say I am excited.
In this year (2010), I am not dating or being concerned with guys, the concept of marriage or the possibility with anyone. I am totally focusing my mind on God, our relationship, and the work He has for me now-That I may know Him. Of course the enemy tried to play with my mind and I have thought, what if I meet an amazing man and He asks me out? Well, then Mr. Amazing would wait for Ms. Amazing as she prepares herself before the Lord- no exceptions. Ladies, no man (if true to his relationship with God) will purposely take you off track (for anything-including for their own selfish reasons). This guy is not to be desired anyway, the bar should be raised. Where is your standard?
ONLY GOD'S BEST FOR ME AND NOTHING LESS*
This is my mindset, I will not be swayed by cute face or advance, neither others thinking I have severely conservative views, am too picky, and will never get my guy. I will have everything that God says I will because I am a woman of integrity with a heart set for God in expectation of His finest- and watch me receive it!
"You didn't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I assure you, even if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, `Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." Matthew 17:20 NLT
Wow, this has always amazed me, the ability to move mountains! In all of our lives mountains exist; mountains are nothing more than life's difficulties, God wants us to get to a place in our Christian walk where we can confidently speak the truth of God's word to the problem and give the situation to Him entirely- not worried about the outcome trusting God to deliver. So a mountain that has developed in my life is my thesis. I am a year behind in my graduate program- one of my family members became ill and I let the issue spiral out of control as I fed fear, doubt, and unbelief and ending up getting behind. Now that it has been a year, the challenge is believing that this is something I can actually achieve. I get tormented with the idea of people's opinions and concerned with what they are saying- this kept me from completing a stage of my life and dreaming again. Well enough is enough, its time to finish my coursework and finish this thing with honors. I was flowing through the program with ease before we were hit with the illness and lost my focus as distraction after distraction moved me farther away from my goal.
I am excited that I have regained momentum, focus, and am letting the Lord guide my path and I know, it will be successful. I am attempting to complete a Masters program in 5 months, while writing a thesis and completing the remainder of my coursework. It may look intimidating but I will overcome this situation and will love for everyone reading to celebrate with me in the end. I am a firm believer in God's word and that everything it says is true. I know that faith without works is dead and if I commit to the work before me, God will see me through. I am excited about this journey and I looking to what lies ahead after the Master's.
Lord, thank you for being you. I would never have had the courage to pursue my dreams and overcome if it had not been for your love and truth in my life. Thank you for loving me and supporting me-always encouraging me-even when no one else could. You are awesome and I am forever indebted to you. Lord, forgive me for ever doubting or staying stagnant in failure, give me the strength to see past circumstance in the low moments, let me be motivated by your word during the storm and let me never loose faith in the promise of graduation. You have given me all the tools I need to be successful- all that is left is believing and working toward that goal in faith. Thank you for renewing my mind, changing my focus, and inspiring me to overcome, you are truly my true love. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
My topic-Effective Upward Communication/ from Subordinate to Superior
Sunday, December 13, 2009
So just to give you a brief introduction to the name......................
In the Merriam Webster Dictionary, "Liberty" is defined as FREEDOM or an action going beyond normal limits.
In the Word of God it reads "Now the Lord is that Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." 2 Corinthians 3:17
Well its simple, I am free! Along with my testimony comes a lot of bondage in my past life. For almost thirty years I went from living a lifestyle that others wanted me to live, to creating a life I thought would be loved by others- both equally as complicated and impossible to master. (because it wasn't me) I fell into deeper traps of betrayal, deception, lies, and manipulation. I look back and none of the people in my inner circle were stable or good for me. I worked on making people better and totally would become immersed in their success, forgetting about myself- this lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair when I would get used and then left. All this was done for one reason and one reason alone, to receive love. Well needless to say, it took me years to find out that you cannot create an atmosphere of love without God-it just can't happen. One by one each person would show themselves in their true form and as the enemy in them surfaced, my heart would again sink and think that I was just a being that was unloveable. This developed a stronghold called depression that almost took my life. Sitting, staring, crying, and sleeping is how I spent years, I cannot even remember what was 23 like..If you asked... I would respond, I don't know or I don't remember-every dark moment would be blocked out. So, there are years from childhood, adolescence, and adulthood that I have erased from my memory. I would handle all business and extracurricular activities and return into the cave at night. It was unnoticeable (or so i thought), routine, and the only way I knew to survive.
Well, you may ask where was God? He was there all along but my mind was so clouded by my own thoughts and desires that I treated our relationship like a one-night stand-keeping myself from His love. There are so many things that were clearly dangerous that I remember the Lord kept me from- I was too ignorant and prideful to recognize its danger. Growing up around people who had a from of godlinees but denied God's true power, I was confused. Christianity was a show to me and for years I played a crucial part in the stellar stage play "Hypocrite" that has been running successfully for years. Going to church was the respectable thing to do, throw in a scripture in here or there or say "Amen" with everything and you are in the club. A church-cultured hypocrite, I originally came to Christ for the wrong reasons seeking love and the approval of man in the church. That game played itself out for many years until I realized that I was in the same position in a different environment, only this time I could really get help. During the show's encore, I went from dating well mannered suburban guys (who turned out to be wolves) to hypocritical false prophets (same result), I went from being prideful to well, become a white washed wall, meaning that I was "me" focused and I worked hard for appearance but lacked substance. I thank God today because my life was so crazy- who knew that the desire for acceptance and love could fuel a person to destroy everything.
It wasn't until after I was raped and mentally did not have it in my capacity to act anymore that I was broken enough to receive Christ for real. I was beat, bruised, lacked trust and was suicidal. After I was raped, I attempted to commit suicide and was brought to grips with the fact that I was helpless without Him. My life was an act, but in this show there were no flowers, standing ovations, but a history of encores. Bad relationships, poor judgement, regrets, it took all that for me to come to the Lord with a spirit of humility. Living a life where I "did it on my own" I soon changed my view of what life was really like.
THE GOOD PART: God met me where I was and began speaking to my broken state. I was saturated by real love and people who followed the ways of Christ- you can detect the difference. For the first time in my life things were moving. Years of striping and breaking had to take place in order for me to be in a place to receive what God has for me.
I can now joyfully proclaim that I am new, I am no longer the girl that has to lie and fake a life that is not real. I now have true friends of substance that motivate, encourage, and strengthen me, I am living a successful life of victory that has its challenges but each speed bump exposes my growth and strength in Him. MOST IMPORTANTLY- I HAVE CHRIST LIVING IN ME*
Now I laugh loudly, cry out of joy, and dream big, something I never did in the past and I owe it all to Jesus Christ. So in short, (well maybe not) Liberty is my new name for once it was bondage and now that Christ lives in me my life has changed forever.
God is greater than anything that ever happened to you, receive Him, and let your life be changed forever*
Be encouraged, changed, and restored in Christ-He's real
I remember when I was a child, I had so much expectation and lived out everything I wanted to do to the best of my ability. If I wanted to be a superhero, I created the costume. If I wanted to be a chef, I began pulling pots and pans out of the kitchen and started creating a masterpiece. In childhood I had a divine fearlessness that I could do anything and then proceeded to do so.
Although as an adult, through the failures, struggles, and strongholds- I let fear get the best of me and I stood stagnant as my dreams slowly died. I don't remember when I first lost sight of all the promises but I know dreams that were once there, suddenly disappeared. Then one day in a daydream, I caught a glimpse of the joy, exuberance, and tenacity that I once had and committed to fight for the dreams to come alive again to only discover that I had birthed new dreams, better than the ones before.
It was through Christ that these new dreams were birthed, no I am not a new christian but yet a new convert to living by His Spirit. New to the power of God through faith and how faith in Him fuels life. You see, I became empowered by my own testimony of failure and defeat, constant mistakes and errors, extreme danger, although through it all- always being covered by His mercy and favor- I am forever grateful. In the lost place of despair, where loneliness and depression dwell is where I found my dream again- although I thought I was alone He was there. I lived years locked away in the dungeon of a defeated mindset, in a cave of self-hatred, and anger for what happened to me. I was my own enemy, I held up my process, and almost let fear, doubt, unbelief overtake me unto death-BUT GOD. He is awesome* He showed me that everything I had been through- both by my own admission and by the hands of others, would all work out for my good. As I look over my life and all of its lessons and blessings I often wonder, what kind of God can take something as filthy as rape and make it a beautiful story of a reconstructed woman of character grown to share her story and encourage others. There is truly no comparison to who Christ is in my life and who He is in yours.
With Christ I can't even regret my past because all its tears watered my garden to grow lasting fruit that I could never earn. It is only by knowing my Savior, Jesus Christ and truly giving up everything my mind valued as important-that I found Him. It is my hope that this blog acts as a healthy expression of my life in search of the King; constantly pushing myself toward the image of Christ created to encourage not only myself, but others.
My previous mess of a life now acts as His masterpiece of healing, restoring, and newness. My dreams as a child have changed into something of substance, rich with truth and abundant life in Christ. Never give up, you can do all things in Him.- You are never too far gone*
Be encouraged and really live life!