Taking the Risk

 Throw back  blog never released- as we tackle the mind,
 let's overcome our fears-  LET'S GO!!!

Will you join me to KILL all that hinders?

After what it seems like a century, it's time to move forward. No more crutches, no more fear! Face to face with the thing that has terrified me for years, progress. Funny how I wrote a blog about control and used the movie analogy- it was a movie that was used to break me tonight. As I perused through Nexflix, I came across a movie that acted as a beautiful interruption to my program of procrastination.  The movie was about a guy trapped in his past to the point that he suffocated God given gifts, blocked love and fought to be content with mediocrity. After the guys talents were discovered, he was forced to undergo therapy to deal with his fears so that he could face his future. Every attempt failed until the young lad met an unlikely candidate that was just as gifted, life also had taken its best punch at his soon to be mentor as well. The mentor, acting as the wounded healer coached the young man to reality and hope in his own future- within the assignment something supernatural happened. The mentor who also was pained found his own sense of healing and new found purpose. The outcome, a beautiful symphony to where both parties ministered to each other.

The movie broke me, it lead me to wonder what happened to my fight. There I was, tears streaming down my face and I came to the realization that I was spiritually paralyzed. The fear of failure and repeating the horror of the past, left me in a place where I stopped moving. Even when I felt I was making strides in pursuing the goal, I was still protecting myself and working within a box of comfortably- allowing myself to be protected from vulnerability. Just like the young man, here God was again showing me His desire which leads right smack through my fear- this is a road I must cross to get where I am going. Its funny, I am terrified but a little excited.

There is a beautiful place in the wilderness where you are broken down to vulnerability, when you have nothing else. The place where there is nothing left and there is nothing to hide behind. In this place, no excuse is relevant, you see truth. I guess this is clarity given to the cliche "being naked before God".

Now, join me as we embark on a journey into the word. Family, let me be completely honest with you when I say that moving forward is a task- even completing this blog came with its share of distractions and deterrents but God is faithful and can and will carry us through anything if we only trust Him. Let's walk this thing out together!

Lord,

You are awesome, almighty and everywhere! Help me remember that and give you due praise in every situation. Allow me to properly discern the season and adjust fire with my response. Forgive me Lord for my cowardice approach in the face of the fear of failure, the worst thing imaginable is death, however, for your children, you have already conquered the grave- so I have NOTHING to fear!!! Give us new confidence and strength in who you are and who we need to be to glorify you rightly God. Overpower us and awaken us to your love, you pour out sooo much God- allow us to receive it. Transform us totally to look like you as we live to be your tools on the earth and your children in intimate relationship. Thank you for life, love and growth- in Jesus name. Amen

It's in your Head

How long will we grapple at straws? What's in your head?

Hello my friends, I have missed you.

While I was away, I have been living, thinking, attempting, failing, winning, remembering and falling in love all over again. I am seeing the simplicity of life and learning to enjoy it.

Silence used to be the most frightening thing to me, no noise,  just thoughts that would come and overwhelm me like a huge wave crashing on the shore.  A loud voice inside of me that speaks movement and life, success and the admiration of others.  The voice would tempt my core,  speaking "you want these things, naturally you NEED these things". This voice convinces that I had a right and was entitled to my desires. So on the inside I have an endless hunger that can never be satisfied. In addition to the inner turmoil, the art of comparison acts as lighter fluid to my enflamed heart as I would parallel myself to others. Breeding nothing but disappointment, this illusion also began to affect my relationship with my love. I expected a knight and shining armor and I was never rescued from the danger, instead I stood in the midst of chaos and the war rages.

Enough with the poetic symmetry.

I was angry folks, to the core. The war raged and I allowed it to, being moved by the things of little importance in comparison to the BIG PICTURE. I wanted change and a peace to calm the catastrophic battle inside.

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

I understand how you can suffer as a "do gooder" and find no relief.  The brain is such a masterpiece and if uncontrolled can create an existence all of its own. I have seen first hand the terrors of the mind that is free to roam to any and everywhere it pleases. Interestingly enough, as complex as the war appears,  the silence that acts as a mortal enemy can also be your friend.  I was utilizing the tool incorrectly and fearing that which I needed most, space for God to speak and rest in me- this requires active listening for the voice I needed to hear God's, NOT my own.

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.  And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient. 2 Corinthians 10: 3-6

I have been asking the hard questions. I have been digging down underneath the surface to see what lies there. In freedom and true deliverance, you need silence to hear the voice of God. You also have to fight using his tools to keep space for God. Unattended, the mind, will and emotions get flooded with garbage. So I am going to do something different. I am going to digest the scriptures based on the mind asking the Spirit of God to break down His word and equip me with His knowledge to live well- I will share with my friends and hope you will do the same. 

Thinking for eternity produces a different character- I want to be changed to be like Jesus.

Jesus, 

Thank you for who you are. I confess I have not always used my spiritual resources well and I have allowed my mind to wander. Father, lead me to your well spring for my soul and satisfy my heart. Produce good fruit on the inside that you find pleasing and allow me to be a blessing to those around me. Set my heart ablaze for truth and righteousness. Take my mind and occupy that space, give me your mind and intentions and let my motives be pure. Lord please, change me from the inside out- in Jesus name Amen.

* NEXT BLOG- BRAIN STORMING- HIS WAY*