Friday, September 14, 2012

Enough Already, I Don't Need Control........


Hi - remember me?  Just in case you forgot- My name is Liberty.

Ka-Pow, that's me*

One thing you may not know about me is that I love to escape in a great movie. At any given moment when I have free time you can find me perusing Netflix to discover a good foreign film. If not Netflix, you can find me head first in the discount bin at Target or Walmart. Classics for 5 bucks- what a steal. (My last purchase was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin) Yet it does not matter if its Netflix, Redbox, or the discount bin- once I get home and settled, its a guarantee that I skip the previews, go straight to the menu, sometime even skip the play option to opt for scene selection and travel to the exact point of the movie I want. In some instances, I skip to the halfway point because there is a particular part I want to see. Thank God that life is not set like a Blu ray- boy would I miss out.

We can watch Superman but let's not try to be him. Let Christ be the Superhero.

The last time we spoke, my life was unraveling- for the better. My Kung Fu type grip of control that I thought was letting up, maintained the same strength and hold that it always had. I was really fooled, I thought things were improving but I still managed to manipulate myself and hide behind different walls. As the floor underneath me crumbled, reality set in. I thought to myself- how long does it take for a person to hit rock bottom and really see the truth- geesh. I need to drop the remote and let my movie play.


Over the past year, life seemed to scream louder than ever and things are a bit clearer. Painful yet eye opening, I choose to carry my cross through life's challenges. I have had good moments and tough moments but one thing remained- God was faithful. As the challenges would arise My awareness was peeked, I would discover new points to explore internally.

The routes to my roots were beginning to reveal themselves.

  • Hurt from Community
  • Identity Crisis
  • Forgotten Confidence
  • What happened to my innocence?
  • Unrealistic Expectations 
  • Killing the Labels
  • True Success
  • Male versus Female- resurrecting from negative relationships
  • Recovering from the pit of despair
  • Joy Snatchers 
  • The Word versus what I experience and so on........

I have questions, history, and experiences but I desire to know truth. Outside of my intellect there is a life that exists and only Christ can reveal it. I did not forget about Joshua 7/8 but I am living it out- day by day (another blog). My story is becoming beautiful out of the ashes it once was. I am seeing the life hidden after death, although I have a ways to go. To some the Bible reads as a novel and for some it's their Hitchhikers guide to life-with the Holy Spirit as the guide. To some Christ is cliche and to others the very reason they live. This year I have been chasing the questions, looking to God to provide the answers. I am growing confident in the woman He has created me to be, slowly but surely. Hurt is inevitable but how we process and progress through the pain is totally up to us. Will we allow the past to cripple us or will we choose to fight through the pain with God and overcome the situation.

*sidenote* Today I came across a blog called Gitzen Girl, there was a wonderfully beautiful blog written on the wholehearted surrender- that's my goal. It was so epically timely and lovely that I have pasted it below: 

http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/2009/10/crazy-love-your-best-life-later.html

I have a new outlook on Christianity, faith, struggle and victory. I know what it is like to be terrified of something so much that you can't see past the fear and for God to ask you to let Him into that very area. For people to judge the person you were, are, and who they THINK you will be while you are trying to discover yourself. For anxiety to build every time to come close to progression and to feel more comfortable retreating. To hide while God waits patiently for you to trust Him enough to transform your life, I know. There is something that I have always heard and now believe, the key is going through- with Jesus. To allow Him to go underneath the hood and see what keeps you running (motives, fears, faith), trust in Him with everything and NEVER QUIT! (God has a way with time and strategy that you would not believe)

Allow God to complete the story, every great movie has its climax and every ending is different*

At this phases in life I am still letting God work on the depths of my heart. Some days are better than others but the bible says that "All things are made beautiful in its time" Ecclesiastes 3:11 so I trust that in every moment of difficulty God has a plan and I (as long as I am in His will) am living out my love story to Him. I trust that Christ's resurrection power will speak as I overcome every hardship and my testimony will proclaim Him as King in my life. I am more so now than ever obsessed with getting to "Know Him" Phillipians 3:8 and living to please Him.  No one loves you like He loves you. 

Come with me as I allow Christ deep within, and don't forget to drop the remote.


God, 

Thank you for never leaving me, through the good, the bad, and the ugly you have stood by me and held me up. Thank you for the lot I was portioned and your designed path set for my feet- I trust you know what you are doing. Lord forgive me for speaking out of turn, trying to do you job, and loosing faith in the process. Forgive me Lord for forgetting how great you actually are. I desire to sit with you and spend the intimate time you desire- God put my mind at ease as I seek you with everything in me.


Break the spirit of fear, doubt, and unbelief that try to hinder me in my quest. Protect those around me that I don't hurt others while dealing with my pain. Remind me Father that I don't know everything and allow me to deal with your children in patience in love- while in my own healing process. I trust your will for my own life as I do all that surround me. Holy Spirit, walk with me and please empower me to do what is right and pure in God's eyes. I give up my plan and seek your blueprint.


Lord, allow me to see before and outside of me, allow me to exhibit the compassion of Christ without mummer or complaint. God you are too good for me not to live like it so God help me break selfish ambition or a victim mentality, I am victorious in you. Christ saturate me with your blood, Jesus I need the power of resurrection for myself and others around me. We need to taste your victory Father, please encourage us to stay in the fight of faith with tenacity and courage. Thank you for everything you are and loving me when I find it a struggle to do it myself. You truly are my love. I love you Father, in Jesus name I pray Amen

I pray that you the reader are blessed and that God does amazing things through you as you go through your rough patch with Him. In Jesus name. And it is so :)

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Ephesians 3:20


As He works in us, we believe this more and more.

 Unconditional Love, Unlimited Love, Complete LOVE- that's God.