Monday, July 18, 2011

YIKES! Can I turn this in for a new one?

Check out this picture, does it look familiar?

So, uh, well...........yeah, I need a new heart. It's not like Santa Claus can fulfill an order this huge (as if he exists, lol), I need the Lord.

Over time, past pains and hurts forgotten and covered, as I grew older the memories became faint and almost as if they never happened to me. Yet, the seedling and root remained and behaviors stemmed from that pain to mask and protect me today. Well, they have to go. This journey requires something deeper and a vulnerability that is incomparable to any previous effort.

Hi, my name is Liberty and I am a suppressor, I lock my feelings away in my heart and as a robot, I would reprogram myself to function (or so I thought) without emotions. The issue would die but the remnants would live deep within my heart.  Now at maximum capacity, I have to get Jesus to do something with this heart. I can't improve this heart, I need a new one.

So let me first start by telling you the truth. As my blog family to maintain the integrity of this page I have to come by it honest and honest is exactly what you are going to get. Instead of the vague reference to things I am going through, I will be frank. I am a firm believer that honesty is the gateway to freedom so, may the transparency be used to connect with you, show you that God is all powerful and can do anything and that I am not perfect, make mistakes, and need God as much as you do.

The Gate to Freedom


So to be honest, let's discuss where I am right now. For years I have battled with certain concepts and the  appearance of victory while I was being defeated internally. I have acted out irrationally, let my hurt consume me, and picked up several bad habits to protect myself. To be honest, people frighten me and have since childhood. The expectation from others would consume me and I would flee society. The bubbly jokester with the extrovert personality is far from it. To recharge, I need to be alone with God-period. I realize that most of my life was created from business teachings and the expectations of parents, friends, people I admire- etc. I got tired of keeping up appearances, some of my bad decisions led me to be hurt immensely. Some circumstances made my heart cold and I long for an internal revival.

So you ask, where are you? Here I am. I desired to live by faith and now, no job, moved out, took a huge leap of faith...... well, I am homeless. lol Not what you expected huh? Well yes, I am. With the finances drained and certain ties severed, I stand on God with no other option but to have faith, its all I have. When I say its hard, it is. Everything that could have gone wrong in the course of four days did. What took so long to establish was crumbled within four days. I became overwhelmed with things and needed to leave the area to settle the mind and really hear. I depended on the kindness of strangers for everything, my family took their usual role of not being supportive, however, this time was different. I did not get angry or make any scenes. I simply let them know that I envision more for my life and God had more for me than the life I was living. I forgave them for anything I had against them and left, it was hard for them to conceptualize but it was something they had to except- I was leaving. My dad poked his head in several days after the conversation to ensure that I did not leave. Of course I was packing and preparing to depart, on the day I left no one was home and it was quite a liberating experience. I was free.

You see, my home for me meant compromise and comfortable living. I could do whatever I wanted and have no accountability and never had to change, matter of fact, the environment spoke death for me. Depression loomed the walls and suppression was a regular practice. You could be dying and the elephant was standing in the room at full attention and no one would even inquire, so you die. No one around would notice because everyone is dying themselves in their own way. My challenges were merely another story, everyone believed that I would make it out because, hey I always have.  My christian race went from running sprints to a slight jog, to taking a breath, to sitting down beside the track- not good enough. I would come across preachers who traveled the world and gave thousands of invitations to Christ out and my heart would leap. Any message on faith in God and overcoming the impossible (which sometimes is ourselves) would excite me. Then I would go back to the same life, the depression and compromise. Now it was really murdering me because it was very subtle. I was not drinking, drugging and acting completely out of my character but in the small ways Satan would come in, I would let him. This would lead to other opportunities for him to have control and I would give it up.

Am I called, yes. Am I certain, yes. Am I perfect, no. Do I struggle, yes. Do I need God more than anything in my life because I have tried a multitude of things in life only to realize that nothing works but Jesus.....ABSOLUTELY!  Jesus is truly the way, the truth, and my life. I know that because I have been so close to losing myself, my life, and my mind several times. My intellect or foolish attempts to ground myself could not sustain me, only Jesus. When people would not have the words or treat me like garbage (their sandpaper method of ministering), or even my own battle with condemnation believing that it was for my own good- Jesus crept beside my bed as I cried and comforted me. I would even be haunted with   horrific visions in which my life could end in an instant, in those moments God would only speak of his love. So no, no self-help, no friend, no job, no love, or no book, no hype spiritual encounters could cure this disease. I can't deal with substitutes, only Jesus, His blood. Just Jesus, my antidote.

This gets me to the heart. To walk in the new creature I MUST, walk with the new heart- not this one. God is sending me back to every place of defeat and gave me Joshua 7/8 to stand on. My next blog will expound on where I am, the reveal of scripture, and my illumination. Let me just say it is not what you think.

I pray your eyes are enlightened with Jesus is all his fullness and that you will never be the same.

Love you much,

Libby*


Monday, July 4, 2011

ACTION: Challenged to Change!

Let's get running!

What does it really take for change and maintaining the momentum? This is what I plan to discover on my journey to the heart of Christ. My focus is on mind renewal and heart transformation. There are some areas in my life that I need to experience the resurrection power of Christ.

I reached a breaking point in my life where I realized that I was not living the life I desired. I gave up on some dreams, compromised in some areas, and accepted the life others paved for me. Overtime, I became complacent and accustomed to the life set before me. Steps away from an arranged marriage, a set career, and a cookie cut plan set for someone else, things began to unravel. Life began to get too real, I went from living someone else's life to losing control of my own. The result of the chaos, I had to leave everything- my home, family, friends, job.

I had to start over. For years these scriptures stood out to me:

 "One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers—Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew—throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living.  Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!” And they left their nets at once and followed him.


  A little farther up the shore he saw two other brothers, James and John, sitting in a boat with their father, Zebedee, repairing their nets. And he called them to come, too. They immediately followed him, leaving the boat and their father behind." -Matthew 4:18-22

They left everything to follow Jesus, in the beginning of my Christian walk these scriptures stuck out to me and always had, the concept of leaving everything. I thought it to be such an admirable task to drop everything for Christ, never imagining that someday I would be the one following that call, scary. It required a faith more than I possessed. I had to move from my run-of-the-mill relationship with God to rely on Him more than I ever have. I had been pushed to the unknown and was now living in the place of ambiguity, this drove me to a dependency on God like never before.

Due to the events, I was angry, hurt, betrayed, and overwhelmed, disappointment resonated within me. Afraid of dying from a hardened heart, I ran to God. With my Flo-Jo type sprint, I began to see Jesus clearer than ever before. Repentance turned my angry and pained heart to forgiving and interceding as I lifted those that hurt me, it wasn't worth it. My heart, thoughts, mind, and relationship with God were at risk and not worth losing. I truly never knew the depths of the statement "letting it all go" until I had to do it myself. I realized that I was dying, not only living a life that was not mine but dying in anger and unforgiveness, so I had to give it up.

The process was and continues to be hard but well worth it. The influx of emotions tries to take me into a place of despair and defeat but the Holy Spirit living inside of me gives me the strength to move when I hit those bumps in the road. Honestly, I have my good and heavy moments but even in the heavy moments, I grow closer to God- so it is well. God revealed to me that I was living in compromise, that I had allowed a lot to die and was killing who He created me to be trying to live under the restrictions of others and what I deemed to be acceptable. I had settled in major ways and made several bad decisions that had to play themselves out for me to truly see the death in them. Although hurtful, it was great for me to see and experience. God did not steer me wrong, He never has. I smothered the Holy Spirit and intellectualized a lot of choices, I thought them to be right because, well, they seemed right.....wrong! I had to experience the devastating blow of compromise and comparison. It was not the life God destined for me.


Now, I am not bitter, nor resentful because....... well, the word says:

"My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees."- Psalm 119:75

This word blessed my soul, in my pain God lead me to read Psalm 119 and reaffirm the importance of obedience and God's word to the believer-just what the doctor ordered.

so,

"I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments." -Psalm 119:45


The first step to the process was repentance, my lot was no one's fault but my own. No matter what the circumstances or what happens to me, what comes out of me is my choice, what lives inside of me is also my choice and God is aware of it all. I have one life and why live it in shoes that are not comfortable? I have such creative power in God to do amazing things in this world, I do not have time to be focused on things that are not life giving. So like the song says, I am going to get up, get out, and do something*
Crazy how in the place where things appear to be there worst, I know God is about to do what He does ....THE BEST. I truly believe in the resurrection power of Jesus Christ for not only myself but for everyone. I believe we can live the life intended and do wonderful things through Christ beyond what we could ever ask for or think-Ephesians 3:20.



Do you need healing? Christ has it. Deliverance, done. Faith to be built? He can do that too. Let's trust the process,  love God, seek the scriptures, pray in faith, practice obedience, stay repentant, maintain our peace, worship, work, and serve- keeping God first and giving him ALL the glory.

To seal this blog and close out I will leave you with one of my favorite prayers:

"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen."  Ephesians 3:14-21

Love you with the love of Christ and wish God's best for each of you.

So, let us flourish,

Libby- for I am free indeed :)

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Hidden Beauty, Rosemary Mint Soap and Dream Catching*

Hello World Changers,

There is so much wealth in taking the time to rest among the successful and ambitious*










My jewels from the retreat:


  • Direction- I had the time to sit with other women and discuss my current position and where I aspire to be. (the inquisitive love did something for my heart)
  • Ambition - I listened and was able to glean information and goal setting. Their pathway, struggles, and success!
  • Dream Catching- I was given a bit of a strategy (an order of events) from God about my new path. (career wise)
  • Skin Care- OMG, lol! My skin has been breaking out lately and one of my new sisters has the hook up on a skin line. (that's cool)
  • Friendship- After our bonding and transparency, we were drawn together and established a bit of a core (support, motivation, love, and laughter) If you have ever wanted a sisterhood, dreamed of having a core group? I got it this weekend- it was developed by God. Different women, different ages, different dreams and backgrounds but same God- our common stitch brings us together!
  • Vulnerability- We shared the deep things and released them- truly let go.
  • Deliverance- After the storm comes life. Releasing the hidden pain revealed a beautiful promise of restoration and newness for each woman.
  • Hunger- Finally all brought us together with a deeper hunger for God, it was awesome.

Just some of the things I could share from my trip, it was a much needed mental interruption and refocusing tool. I was able to let somethings go, some seeds were planted, and I was used by God. One of the most mindblowing encounters I had came from a time where I had the opportunity to share a hidden place, a dark moment in my life that I never thought I would make it through. I saw the pain of another and was compelled to nakedness. I told the real story, no fillers and no chasers. I described the pain, depression, and feeling of hopelessness. I did not care, what anyone would think or judge, I saw the pain and recognized it, so I chose to speak. 

I learned a lot from that moment, nothing is done in vain in the life of a Christian. My ugliest moment and my way of coping that proved it self destructive was killed, God got all the glory and the person was empowered, knowing that could make it through their story and that the end would be beautiful. I would not have made it through that time without God. I saw my need and cried out for a solution and God scooped me up and loved me in my broken state, through communication only I could understand- it was awesome, his hand is truly NEVER to short to reach you.

I believe this a great place to pray for you so, 

God you are awesome! There is nothing like your love and compassion toward us, we are truly in awe of you. Lord please forgive us for the moments where we have lost faith and forgot who you really are; our everything. Thank you for the mind of Christ and the beauty of life in the spirit. We are no longer slaves to sin and bondage and I thank you. We are free, free to live unashamed, naked, real, honest. No reason for us to hold back or be someone else. You made each of us beautiful and unique. Thank you for my and each one of our intricate designs and purposes. Instill in us that we are special and handcrafted by you. Let us cherish this divine design and seek to please you with all we are.

God with our designs we have a specific purpose and a special way that we are designed to give you glory, reveal the plan Lord. As we seek you continue to unravel it. Let us take the time to relish in your beauty each day, let us learn your lessons and grow. Although times can be bitter reveal to us the sweetness in the end. Give us a hunger for the things you love and give a clean heart and right spirit with you. Teach us the basics in relationship Lord, with both you and others. Uproot everything that is not of you and impart more of you into us.  As we discover your beauty let us be grateful and joyful in our connection. Let your love transfer to others and let you be clear to them. Show all, that the beauty in us is you.

Lord bless the reader right now in the name of Jesus, I speak that seeds of faith be planted like never before and that they flourish in your time. I pray for an overcomer experience to show them that you are God over all things and that the Ah-ha, moment give them a new fire! Show them that there is no death, failure, or separation in you! I speak to the overcomer in you and say, arise! God is waiting. Let the love of God overwhelm you in this time and let you fall in love all over again. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

Get ready to be Challenged to Change! NEXT BLOG action*********

Love you, 

Libby*

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Day 1: Walking in Newness



Good Morning World Changers,

My first day away at the retreat, God is doing great things. The people selected are so different by yet the same-the combination is beautiful. The raw realness of human frailty and its transparency is awesome.

After a long night of sharing and bonding, we woke up early cooked breakfast and chatted and played "Girls just wanna have fun by Cindy Lauper". Totally caught the mode!

As I have stated before in every moment we have an opportunity to learn and grow. (I am choosing to  take advantage of life!)

What I have learned thus far (God's teachings emphasized):


  • Two of the women have created goal lists. (Long and short term) I am empowered to seek God and create my own with the things God! They even have accountability partners to hold them to the covenant made with themselves. (I love it)
  • I am learning that relationships are wonderful things and there is such a need for connection- the human nature depends on it and craves that love. Spending time with women has blessed me and this is only the beginning. I am expecting great things from God*
  • To be a great listener is a wonderful gift from God, this experience has been teaching me the beauty in death to your story to discover the beauty in another. My goal is to discover others this weekend.

Just checking in with you all and wishing you the most productive, life changing experience in our journey. Live big and be amazed*

My prayer for you: God thanks for everything, all you are and all you made me to be! Thank you for the careful love, concern, and detail you took to create us, help us see that beauty. Lord, forgive us for not realizing your love and its everlasting depths. Forgive us for living short, ignorant, and in defiance of your plan for us* Jesus as you purge us, let us fall in love all over again. Let the love overflow into the lives of others and let everything communicate who you are.  We are committed to change and growth in you. Make us new* in Jesus name, Amen*

Take advantage of every moment in life, you are never too far from God's hands- He is everywhere*

Live BIG*

Love Libby*

Friday, May 27, 2011

You are Free! Drop the Luggage and Run!!!!!

1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
 2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.                                 
                                                                  Hebrews 12:1-2


This scripture is such a wealthy blessing to those that want to be free! The concept of dropping the load is often discussed and hardly done. Ok, so I put up the last blog and it was a quickie but I was not settled with it so let's go back to John 5- read it, verses 1-13. 


There is some major wealth here, the question, "do you want to me made well?" In Hebrews, we see that the bible tells us to drop EVERY weight, every distraction, every detour from destiny- but the harsh reality is, sometimes death never felt so good (because it is comfortable). It's hard to accept the truth sometimes but the truth is, we must like it? If we don't, then why do we constantly put ourselves in the position to suffer? For example the indulgence in food that keeps the weight on, or the relationship that just can't seem to work out (no matter how much you both try), or the dream that remains dead because you choose not to believe.  For each of these the answer is simple, drop the weight and focus on Jesus. Hebrews says that we have examples of faith all around us- nothing we are doing is new and we by far are not the only ones that suffer. Emotions try to make us believe that our situation is heavier than everyone else's weight- not true!


Read all of the examples in the word of God and how each blessing seems impossible,  each suffered,  was challenged by their faith but each chose God and his directive- that is what is different. We struggle in the place of doubt and believe that it is a fete that we can NEVER conquer, and that is true but we are trying to do a God sized job with man sized power...........so it will never work! For some, it is hard to learn that we are in need of God, that we cannot do it alone. The lesson can be painful and seem never ending but through it we gain a relationship with God of real intimacy and by us recognizing our weaknesses, we are able to see the true power of God. 


Currently I am in a place in life where I long for God's destiny to be manifested through my life, I want it so bad I can taste it. I hear stories and watch movies about people just like me that did the unexplainable through the power of God working through them and I cry in hunger, awaiting the opportunity. Their story empowers you, you realize that you are not crazy and that others have had the same experience. It starts and ends with a relationship in Christ. 


I can go off on a tangent but the main point of this blog is this, Jesus is EVERYTHING! You have freedom, so walk in it! Throw out everything that hinders you from destiny and purpose in CHRIST! Even the good ideas that are not God ideas-check your motive and throw all those things out* Clean the slate of your mind and ask God to show you His heart on the matter. Pray diligently to grow closer to him and read his word to learn as much as you can about him, build a relationship- not on your terms but by what God's word says.


I am getting ready to go on a retreat with some dynamic young women in the faith and the very leading up to this event has been a challenge. The theme of the retreat is to  "Reset" and in this I believe our lives will be changed if we allow it. I had to sacrifice time, finances, and priorities to go, however, I believe this will be well worth it! In everything I am making an effort to catch Jesus and his lesson and I implore you to do the same. When I return things will be different, very different*


I am going to invite you all on my journey and I plan to communicate with you even more as I journal my experiences, lessons, and bypassers of the faith that I connect with along the way- sharing their struggles but even more so, their success! It's real and you will be able to see that and hopefully recognize the gems in your own life.


My last thought: While I am gone, search yourselves -I will be doing the same* Ask God about the things you struggle with and then give them up. This is nothing cliche, for me, I had to give up the thought of marriage and relationship with a man for now. It hurt and I fight thoughts, opportunities, and things I feel were priceless that I have lost but God's will for me now is relationship building and preparing for my marriage with him. I know that marriage is in my future but it is not to be my focus and I must pray, seek God, read word, and fight not to let emotions rule-its something I have had to let go of. Whatever stops you or slows you down from seeking God is not for your good, it may be a lot to cut it off but you will see the benefits through growth, relationship, and intimacy.




My prayer for you: Lord, forgive us for holding onto the past and the things that separate us. Forgive us for forgetting who you are and leaning to things of no substance. Open our hearts and minds to you God as we commit to change and trust in you. As we go before you in honesty and humility, we know that you hear our every plea and you desire your will for us, help us see the beauty in your will and commit to living that out- let everything else become a memory.


...........I pray that through this time away that you will be refreshed and renewed by the word of God and the start of your new relationship with him. I pray that each weight that so easily slips you up loses its power and is replaced with a hunger and desire for God. I pray that a way is made for you to walk away from that thing unharmed and pray the protection of God around you. I speak the peace, faith and strength of Christ in your life even now. That your mind will be settled and that heart will be content. I pray that your eyes will be opened to the riches and wealth you have through Christ and that love supersedes all else. I pray your growth and that you begin the value the process, even if it is painful. I believe God and all of his promises to protect, guide, and grow you into something beautiful, so as you die to live for him- keep the heart, faith, and mind of Christ. may you be covered by his blood and know the power of it. There is truly nothing that is impossible in God, even a fresh start. You are an overcomer through Christ so now, do the impossible! So God I thank you and believe it is now, in Jesus name. Amen


Love your friend, 


Libby*


P.S. Check out the new page design* Fresh page for a fresh start! The finish line is our goal so when you get discouraged, see Christ at the finish line! Keep running*




Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Flooded Thoughts and Crucial Conversation*

I'm CHANGED, NEW, REFRESHED, RENEWED and well................I'm READY!


So much has transpired since my last blog, challenges, temptation, distraction, love, life and empowerment. (Not in that order) Unfortunately, I cannot always blog because there is an adventure to be had, called life, but I tell you what, while I have you here, take a seat, get a drink, and let's talk.


Ok, so I have told you before that when I was little I had a vivid imagination and loved to run into dreams and stay there for a while, today, let's sit by the fire on comfy couches. I imagine that the room smells of warm vanilla and we are wrapped up in fur throws, each having a comfy couch to ourselves. The fire is crackling and the tea lights and candles strategically placed all around the room. I see a tea station having the drinks and snacks we desire, all that's needed now is great conversation.


So now that we are comfortable, wrapped in our throws, smelling vanilla, with our snacks and drinks, let me tell you a story. This story is a familiar one, but don't let that take away from the truth inside. I am a firm believer that a gift can be wrapped in many ways and that timing, perspective, and desire are all great contributors when it comes to what we choose to receive. As I tell my story, I pray that you have an open mind and allow God to speak farther than these words, directly to your heart and let Him live there.



John 5 (Amplified Bible)


John 5


 1LATER ON there was a Jewish festival (feast) for which Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
    2Now there is in Jerusalem a pool near the Sheep Gate. This pool in the Hebrew is called Bethesda, having five porches (alcoves, colonnades, doorways).


    3In these lay a great number of sick folk--some blind, some crippled, and some paralyzed (shriveled up)--[a]waiting for the bubbling up of the water.


    4For an angel of the Lord went down at appointed seasons into the pool and moved and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was cured of whatever disease with which he was afflicted.


    5There was a certain man there who had suffered with a deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years.


    6When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, Do you want to become well? [Are you really in earnest about getting well?]


    7The invalid answered, Sir, I have nobody when the water is moving to put me into the pool; but while I am trying to come [into it] myself, somebody else steps down ahead of me.


    8Jesus said to him, Get up! Pick up your bed (sleeping pad) and walk!


    9Instantly the man became well and recovered his strength and picked up his bed and walked. But that happened on the Sabbath.




He walked; now for a paralyzed man, that's big stuff. The inability to move your limbs freely, to do for yourself, to speak (for some), stricken to lie in the same state day after day. That is pretty hard to imagine for a person that has moved freely for 29 years now, but envision it. Sit in your seat right now, close your eyes and picture yourself there. Paralyzed, on your side and waiting for someone to have mercy, that is deep.  This man relied on the willingness of another.

Now my question would be in reference to the mindset, where do you stand?

Moving past the place of victim to victor-  The weird thing about the approach is that Jesus asked, "do you want to become well?" and immediately after the man's excuse, Jesus gave a directive. The man followed the directive and took his deliverance.

This blog is short and sweet, the question is if you can only do it once (life) what would you do? This is not a game, no rewind button. There is a moment, an isolated fragment of time when something just clicks in your head and your heart- a call for action. My desire more than anything is to know Jesus.
Yet, when you know Jesus and get into relationship, you walk with him, and grow- your purpose develops right in front of your eyes. All you have to do then is run on the path, its already set- you are predestined.

God willing this is an intro to action, probing you to think....what more can you do? Are you giving everything and if not, are you like the man by the well with the excuse? Are you accustomed to the paralyzed life in some areas? Can you become vulnerable for God? Will you take up your mat and walk? or do you choose to die a slow death of decayed insides because you decided to remain sick.

Personally, I am in a place of discovering who I am in Christ. At 29 years old, I see places in need of improvement, gaps that only God can fill and I want to work to tear the walls down, to be open and available for God.

................................and I am willing to do anything to get there. I do not want to be the same, I want my insides to change I believe God can do it. There is not condemnation is Christ, I repent and keep running- movement is the key.

You have one life, live it like it!


My prayer is that you are open to who God truly is and allow Him to transform you, do not quit the process. The only life is in Him, nothing else is worth living.

Libby-

Head was full of thoughts so I chose to write them down.

Commit your life to work for God and communicate Christ to the world, once you know of his goodness, its a shame to keep it to yourself. NEVER QUIT!