I remember when I was a child, I had so much expectation and lived out everything I wanted to do to the best of my ability. If I wanted to be a superhero, I created the costume. If I wanted to be a chef, I began pulling pots and pans out of the kitchen and started creating a masterpiece. In childhood I had a divine fearlessness that I could do anything and then proceeded to do so.
Although as an adult, through the failures, struggles, and strongholds- I let fear get the best of me and I stood stagnant as my dreams slowly died. I don't remember when I first lost sight of all the promises but I know dreams that were once there, suddenly disappeared. Then one day in a daydream, I caught a glimpse of the joy, exuberance, and tenacity that I once had and committed to fight for the dreams to come alive again to only discover that I had birthed new dreams, better than the ones before.
It was through Christ that these new dreams were birthed, no I am not a new christian but yet a new convert to living by His Spirit. New to the power of God through faith and how faith in Him fuels life. You see, I became empowered by my own testimony of failure and defeat, constant mistakes and errors, extreme danger, although through it all- always being covered by His mercy and favor- I am forever grateful. In the lost place of despair, where loneliness and depression dwell is where I found my dream again- although I thought I was alone He was there. I lived years locked away in the dungeon of a defeated mindset, in a cave of self-hatred, and anger for what happened to me. I was my own enemy, I held up my process, and almost let fear, doubt, unbelief overtake me unto death-BUT GOD. He is awesome* He showed me that everything I had been through- both by my own admission and by the hands of others, would all work out for my good. As I look over my life and all of its lessons and blessings I often wonder, what kind of God can take something as filthy as rape and make it a beautiful story of a reconstructed woman of character grown to share her story and encourage others. There is truly no comparison to who Christ is in my life and who He is in yours.
With Christ I can't even regret my past because all its tears watered my garden to grow lasting fruit that I could never earn. It is only by knowing my Savior, Jesus Christ and truly giving up everything my mind valued as important-that I found Him. It is my hope that this blog acts as a healthy expression of my life in search of the King; constantly pushing myself toward the image of Christ created to encourage not only myself, but others.
My previous mess of a life now acts as His masterpiece of healing, restoring, and newness. My dreams as a child have changed into something of substance, rich with truth and abundant life in Christ. Never give up, you can do all things in Him.- You are never too far gone*
Be encouraged and really live life!