Monday, November 15, 2010
Pity Parties, Fried Chicken, and Gentle Reminders
I woke up and was in a lull and had been in that lull since the end of October. This was one of the hardest moments to shake in my life, I thank God it's over.
How did I get over this lull? Well as simple and minor as it may sound I came to a place of thanksgiving, contentment, and reflection over a fried chicken dinner prepared with love. (Never doubt the power of how God uses others to speak, even when it is not directly to the situation you would be surprised of the jewels you can discover)
I still functioned and operated but definitely a time where I would say I was out of season.
So heavy, burdened, and depressed. I mean, there were things that were happening both good and bad but there was a numbness present but, it did not start out that way. I remember it clearly, I had a moment of extreme heaviness and sadness and the poor decisions followed suit. Now usually a person would get down about that but by this point I was numb and could not understand why. I shouted out to God, "What is happening to me" and God being peaceful and unmoved by my rage would give a response like "Your flesh is being put to death". Now I felt that I had "put the flesh to death" before and still doing that but I have never experienced anything like what I went through recently.
I think its funny how I believed myself to be so invisible and undetected by everyone but God made it clear that people see the struggle and are only instructed to pray- its part of my process. How can you be angry for something you asked for? In this midst of false doctrine and false teachers of the word, in my experiences coming up in ministry and unbiblical views that were inducted by tradition and others family ties, I grew a disgust for falsehood and the misrepresentation of God. (Thank God: I was lead to a place and leaders that have FULL confidence in God's word and the importance of finding and knowing Him for yourself, divine set up huh? lol)
My whole life from that point was set on the passion of really "knowing Him". That is the very purpose of this blog, the journey of getting there. Not to be afraid to throw out everything and gain what is truth. The Lord told me in the beginning of the year that he is taking me back through everything-everything I thought I knew, but didn't, wasn't sure of, or had a question about. He wanted me to have what I asked for, truth. He wanted me to have confidence in the things that I knew but then doubted once someone disagreed. I find it so funny that people ask for things from God and then are upset with the method He chooses for us. (myself included)
I know how this whole downslide started, God was taking me on a journey. I was told that for the path He was taking me on I needed to have "GREAT FAITH", oh ok, I thought- that's easy enough right? lol So I started praying for that great faith. When I say all hell broke loose, it did. I was told I was being made "thick-skinned, and a fighter". My feelings were constantly hurt and the emotions were like fire crackers on the 4th of July. Now, I ladies and gentlemen battled with suppression which birthed depression, then oppression-(I know I will be covering this in a later blog). When I would get hurt regardless of how "well" it appeared to be handled- that night it was on, the battle of the mind, will, and emotions would go to work. So midway through the journey I took a seat, so God waited. I realized that every time major events would happen that were pivotal to my spiritual growth- anything and everything would happen. I battled through some major times and then, I ran.
I ran like Elijah from the threat of Jezebel, sprinted like an Olympic hopeful and ended up, well, I don't know where I ended up. Versus an angel coming to my aid (prob had those too but didn't take notice) God stepped in and needless to say I got some of the heartfelt and some of the harsh, whew, love is honest :)
Now I am about to eat some of the word and continue this journey. Its been very hard family, I have had some of the roughest times of my life in this season and I guess the downslot is that I am trying to hit things honestly and am grieving the injustice in a lot of things. My desire is that my heart will bleed for the people and that I have a heart of love and will stop at nothing for others to receive that. That my mind will be so set on God's word that I will not even be able to swallow a spoonful of anything else. Discernment sharpened, mind set, I'm willing-Let's go.
It's funny, I feel as if I am learning this light-walk in phases and seeing that in the past I had some good points and connecting those things to the new understanding. This introduces the understanding to the zealousness. The emphasis is on doing it purposely, with the right heart, being spirit-lead, in wisdom.
Teaching on healing is hard, the person is hurt and just wants a resolve but often times the resolve they want is what they avoid and the difficulty is in the longsuffering, patience, intercession, and love that has to be poured out regardless of their response. Everything my life has stood for spiritually connects to one thing-Christ, (duh, lol) and everyone's need for Him. He is breaking me down to build me back up. I know the hardships by experience, ministry of others, and by keeping my ear to the ground. (hearing what others around me endure).
I am humbled and honored by the call to serve and spread the truth. To give people the invitation to the party of life. That rocks* Perception is the key, in the midst of the chaos- do you see what God is doing? Sometimes the gentle reminder of what you need in Him is enough to settle the soul. Word to emphasize the work that is being done in the inside and the birthing of that character that makes the destiny lasting.
Remember if you are not fighting, not working, not seeking, you are the host of your very own extravagant pity celebration-cut the lights, put the champagne away, and exit- its time to work!
Do a self-examination. Where do you stand? Ask God to help you in those areas and allow Him to. Get word that promotes God's plan, have faith, fight anything that stands in your way with THE WORD, stand in the midst after you have done everything, have faith, trust God, and SOAR*
Father God in the Name of Jesus, I thank you for the lives of all that read this blog and are in search of something in you. I pray that my transparency blesses and promotes action to seek you even more. Lord show yourself in their lives and show them the importance of dependency and trust in your word. I pray for faith through the rough patches and humility in the green pastures. I speak God's full fold blessings over their lives and pray Lord, that you give them the insight to fight and endure through all trials. I pray for the understanding of victory and that eyes will be opened (including my own). God help us grow in you and as we, yield do everything you need to for our wholeness- put us back in the kiln, break the branches, do the work- we trust you. I love you with an unspeakable love and pray all these things in faith in the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.