Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall-when I lean to myself I always fall*

Time for change, there is a need.

Isaiah 59:1 says:

Listen! The Lord's arm is not to weak to save you, nor is his ear too deaf to hear you call.

I keep this word close to my heart as I travel to where he is, leaving all of me behind in search of something new.

In the journey of exploration and self discovery, many things are exposed as I open up for examination. In this grueling process I have let dreams die, be re-born, all the while struggling with faith and a sense of identity. I see that the deeper I go and the more I am exposed to the core, the more I have stood in the way of my dreams. As I have lost faith in the past day after day would go by where I was not motivated in my pursuit and I would stand by idle as life would pass me on the roadside. Well not anymore.

Through my struggles I have learned what I need to improve on my spiritual fight and where my faith walk is. A simple task can become a mountain when not dealt with. "Being made in His image", "Overcomer", and "Grace" have whole new meaning to me in this current place as I am understanding that with prayer and expectation for spiritual growth that His image is my goal- with that persecution, accusation, and purging. Although those things should not overshadow the growth, power, strength, peace, joy and relationship gained. The overcomer is what I was born to be, however sometimes the sight of the dragon makes me fearful of its fire but its just a scare tactic. The only fire I embrace is the refiners fire, that melts away me- destined to make me more like Him. It is when I decide to take captive of the thoughts and walk in His word that I can ever connect with who this overcomer in me is. Then there is grace, the ability to do it. This grace combined with faith propels me from fear to the place of the overcomer- I just need to move.

It may seem as if I am rambling on like a mad man trying to collect my thoughts, but rather I am someone who used to be mad trying to convey my thoughts to you, with a glad heart- he heals, delivers and gives us Liberty. A sound mind is a powerful gift from God and all those that have it should never fail to praise Him- I am so thankful.

The mirror has always been a scary thing to me from the imperfections on the surface (i.e. the occasional pimple, combination skin) to what lies deeply beneath (the deep wounds from the past), the mirror tells all. There is no hiding with God. The act of "keeping up appearances" is obsolete and you are exposed for what's in your heart. Aaaaaaaaaaaahh, what's in the heart? Sometimes I think there is more in my heart than I can compute. My dreams, desires, and motivations all lead toward the same thing-freedom for me and freedom for others. Freedom from situations, circumstances, but most of all freedom from ones self. Mirrors reflect, and as I internalize that fact- I think what am I reflecting daily? Could it be character and integrity or instability and confusion? I thank God for His Holy Spirit and word that draws me in often- when I go on a mental journey about how I am perceived.

I have gathered that I stand in the shoes of my own worst enemy at times. The battle of the flesh and pride is not anything I have not shared before, although my desire for change is. I have fallen recently into a huge hole of despair by my own doing and this is something that I plan to break this year. How can I be an agent for change if I behave as the world does- thrown to and fro with the wind. There has got to be something different.

Galatians 3:3 asks

How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?

We cannot gain this thing called a relationship without death. Many avoid the grave but its the only way to live, just as we leave our earthly bodies to be with the Lord so we leave our earthly minds to take on the mind of Christ. Time for a reboot.

God's mirror reveals that I am intimidated by the work and lack the faith I need to get there.

I am on the "DO BETTER" campaign (a silly saying that a close friend developed to promote growth in all aspects, I concur)

I see I have some work to do.


New Goals
Celebrate Small Victories
Make the Most Out of Every Moment
Kill the flesh, DIE, DIE ,DIE
Remain Grateful-Praise Constantly
Make an Effort to Do what I Know I Ought

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