Monday, February 8, 2010

Repeat Offenders: Breaking Away from Toxic Behavior and Using God's Wisdom BEFORE the Fall.

So, you did it again. Its the same thing as last time, __________________(place your vice there).

Have you ever considered yourself a repeat offender? Falling into a trap only to realize that you have been here before? Did this circumstance remind you of the picture above? Meaning that in an extreme time you resorted to seeking God because all your other options had been exhausted? What if we broke away from the mundane and embraced the miraculous? Once again I am at the place of mind renewal.

I desire intimacy but I act as if I am scared to receive it. I do not work for it like I should, so then I have to go back and ask the I want intimacy? No matter how much it hurts the true answer to this question is no. I allow the principalities and powers to distance me from building a real relationship.

I look at how I used to approach relationships, friendships, romantic interests, etc. I have never been a fan of the initial meeting, it made me very uncomfortable. To avoid the awkwardness of the first encounter, I chose to act as if I already knew you, we had a great relationship, and have been friends for life. This would work hands down every time but I was not aware of the golden nuggets lost or danger signs missed in trying to rush things in my own strength. Relationships cannot be manufactured, therefore I would always end up unsatisfied with where the relationship would go. Warnings and red flags cannot go up without the chance to get a feel for a person and their behavior. Things were rushed and everything needs time to develop. I look back and realize I applied that same "get friends quick scheme" to my relationship with God, how dumb.

What was my result you ask? Well, I found myself in a constant battle with the same things. My relationship with God was pretty bi-polar and unstable. I would find myself pleading to hear from God after I made a less than intelligent decision and I would have to suffer whatever consequences there were. I would think.................hmmmmmm something is wrong. Here I am bound again crying out to God about a mistake that I made before, how dumb..............did I learn my lesson after that? Nope.

The depths of the downward spiral of the ignorant are amazing. I am sure onlookers pray thinking, "How low will they go until they see it God, please have mercy on them." Well, in my case, I thank God for his mercy and the prayers of others. It took a long time to see the depths of my pain and how ignorant I was to the things of God through my trying to protect myself. I would desire a free life but when on parole I would mess up every time and get locked up all over again. Just like the picture, seeking the scriptures for an answer. Hindsight is truly 20/20 yeah, but so is God's word- his wisdom protects you from the chaos. I would get out of jail after a major offense, get on parole and about 6 months later, Mr. Perfect or better yet, Mr. Perfect TIMING, demonically assigned to get me off the mark by distraction. Worked EVERY time, my desire for marriage was strong and it seemed as if the counterfeits would get closer and closer to that image. This, would be what one of my fellow young adult leaders calls an "EPIC FAIL". As I grew in Christ the sin nature was starved more and more but not to the point of fully surrendering to the Lord. I went from having sex, to only messing around, to just kissing, to emotional relationships, to only realize that they get the same result- less than God's best for your life, conviction, fighting shame, guilt, depression, loss of self worth, confusion, gossip, chaos, drama, etc. It's like a demonic smorgasbord and I stand there as an idiot with the door open wide to get attacked because of MY OWN LUST for something I am not being patient for.


I had to learn and it took time, for me, A LOT OF TIME, but I learned and that is what's most important. Now I am committed to preserving purity, the wealth in waiting, and gaining character through Christ. Now i have loads of siblings in Christ-all healthy relationships and am patiently waiting for my MOG (as I affectionately call him which = Man of God) Although I must admit, I rather enjoy being a spokesperson for contentment in singleness. Just think, you can either enjoy your process or loathe it, which one will you choose? I choose to enjoy life.

God will not get played, he is like the Washington Post, "If you don't get it, you don't get it". So needless to say the half stepping is a waste of time and trust me on this don't go down that road, take the wisdom of someone who has travelled down the road (blessed to survive) nothing but death lives there. Submitting to the Lord can seem really scary however, that's the only way to do it AND God is with you. So sit back, relax and trust God- when you put things in his hands its like putting a car in cruise control or the plane on auto-pilot. He has it and knows exactly how to set the GPS for the next destination.

To wage war and reclaim your mind you need some weaponry- here is something to get you started:

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will

Romans 8:5
Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

Romans 8:7
the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so.

Ephesians 4:22-24
22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Colossians 3:2
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

James 4:8
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

1 Peter 1:13
[ Be Holy ] Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed

So you say, I have read the bible, prayed, am expecting change. Then I will challenge you, are you meditating, are you praying with the scriptures you have internalized, how you do conduct yourself in temptation? Do you fight in prayer or stand by idle? To be a believer is to believe that God's word is true. To believe that God's word is true is admitting that in some area you have not fully committed. I know I have honestly not done everything needed for full submission nor full transformation of the mind so, I choose to repent, move forward and commit to a time of study to get me there. You should join me.

For the next 30 days let's reboot. Let's allow God to reprogram our hard drive. This means starving your eyes, ears, hands and time to anything that is not producing Godly fruit. Hold your tongue, practice self control, and patience. Have faith, expect a change, and there will be.

On your mark, get set, GOOOOOOOO

Dear Lord,

We thank you for never leaving us and never forsaking us. We thank you for your mercy, lovingkindness, grace, and patience you show us. We repent for loss of heart, faith, and motivation when it comes to building a relationship with you. Lord, teach us through your word how to renew our minds and keep your word as our standard. God let us connect with your word by fighting weariness and fainting in well doing but allow us to reap as we continue in you. Let this mind be in us that is also in you. Let us openly allow your word to saturate our soil as good seeds have been planted.

I speak against any mental attack right now in the name of Jesus for anyone that wants to grow closer to you God. I cancel every assignment in the name of Jesus and speak victory even before we see results, I plead the blood over the minds of your children and ask that the things of God are made clear. God I thank you for clarity through your word-having full knowledge that nothing can disconnect us from you and what you have from us. satan is an accuser and has no real power we are not and will not be distracted by distress, confusion, lies, manipulation, abuse, discord, or division. We will walk victoriously as we learn to be KINGDOM THINKERS. I ask this in the mighty name of Jesus that makes all things possible for us.


Be like a post-it note and stick to it* YOU WILL SEE CHANGE~




  1. wow...i needed that, thanks!
    i'm going to start today.

  2. I dont want you to think IM ATTEMPTING TO flatter but I just cannot believe how thoroughly on-point you are. Why u reading my mail and why did you highjack my mailman, anyway. Words cannot utter how powerfully sharp the Word is in your writing.

  3. Bepeze,it's cool. God communicates through any means to show Himself to his children. I am honored that He used the blog.

    God Bless,


    P.S. Thank you for the love, I struggle sometimes with my writing and the thought of being too transparent. (comes with the challenge of breaking away from myself, people pleasing and choosing to serve God, even when it does not feel good) You never know the impact you will have on someone's life with a small decision. Thank you for deciding to encourage me! I greatly appreciate it!