How long will we grapple at straws? What's in your head?
While I was away, I have been living, thinking, attempting, failing, winning, remembering and falling in love all over again. I am seeing the simplicity of life and learning to enjoy it.
Silence used to be the most frightening thing to me, no noise, just thoughts that would come and overwhelm me like a huge wave crashing on the shore. A loud voice inside of me that speaks movement and life, success and the admiration of others. The voice would tempt my core, speaking "you want these things, naturally you NEED these things". This voice convinces that I had a right and was entitled to my desires. So on the inside I have an endless hunger that can never be satisfied. In addition to the inner turmoil, the art of comparison acts as lighter fluid to my enflamed heart as I would parallel myself to others. Breeding nothing but disappointment, this illusion also began to affect my relationship with my love. I expected a knight and shining armor and I was never rescued from the danger, instead I stood in the midst of chaos and the war rages.
Enough with the poetic symmetry.
I was angry folks, to the core. The war raged and I allowed it to, being moved by the things of little importance in comparison to the BIG PICTURE. I wanted change and a peace to calm the catastrophic battle inside.
Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2
I understand how you can suffer as a "do gooder" and find no relief. The brain is such a masterpiece and if uncontrolled can create an existence all of its own. I have seen first hand the terrors of the mind that is free to roam to any and everywhere it pleases. Interestingly enough, as complex as the war appears, the silence that acts as a mortal enemy can also be your friend. I was utilizing the tool incorrectly and fearing that which I needed most, space for God to speak and rest in me- this requires active listening for the voice I needed to hear God's, NOT my own.
We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient. 2 Corinthians 10: 3-6
I have been asking the hard questions. I have been digging down underneath the surface to see what lies there. In freedom and true deliverance, you need silence to hear the voice of God. You also have to fight using his tools to keep space for God. Unattended, the mind, will and emotions get flooded with garbage. So I am going to do something different. I am going to digest the scriptures based on the mind asking the Spirit of God to break down His word and equip me with His knowledge to live well- I will share with my friends and hope you will do the same.
Thinking for eternity produces a different character- I want to be changed to be like Jesus.
Thank you for who you are. I confess I have not always used my spiritual resources well and I have allowed my mind to wander. Father, lead me to your well spring for my soul and satisfy my heart. Produce good fruit on the inside that you find pleasing and allow me to be a blessing to those around me. Set my heart ablaze for truth and righteousness. Take my mind and occupy that space, give me your mind and intentions and let my motives be pure. Lord please, change me from the inside out- in Jesus name Amen.
* NEXT BLOG- BRAIN STORMING- HIS WAY*